My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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