Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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