oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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