And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
