woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
