I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
