so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
