hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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