some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fuck appropriateness.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it because I queefed?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
