I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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