i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
