Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
