i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
