I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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