watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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