My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish I only lived at night.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
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He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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