Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
