Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
