You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
