i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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