Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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