He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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