I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
