I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
