Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
