my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
