toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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