Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize