You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
