Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
