Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
