I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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