I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I supernannyed him into submission
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
