My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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