I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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