The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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