i jhust puked up my retainher.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
