Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
