I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
two words: eviction party
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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