I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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