M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
