saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
time to smoke my breakfast
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
