We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
