how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
