hell yes lets make some ravioli
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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