we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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