I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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