I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
