He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
