"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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