Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
