You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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