Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
