Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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