Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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