I CAN MOONWALK!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
