She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
