If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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