its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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