he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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