just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
