if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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