I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize