Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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