rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
this is an emotional support booty call
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
